I don’t need a thinner phone. Artificial Intelligence (AI) is usually conceptualized as the field of development of machines which are able to think and learn like human-beings. George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. It takes courage to take that next step, or go on an unknown adventure. It has its ups and downs. Am I perfect? Unless you’re a serial killer. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Coffee, chocolate, men. The more experiments you make the better. Words Of Wisdom Quotes “1. So for as long as you have the strength to, say ‘yes.’ Stephen Colbert, Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. Some day I intend reading it. Robin Williams, Our job is improving the quality of life, not just delaying death. Bill Murray, There’s a wonderful sense of well-being that begins to circulate… up and down your spine. Fran Lebowitz, My wife and I were happy for twenty years. This quote is so true. May you find inspiration in these Words of Wisdom from my large Daily Inspiration library of inspiring quotes and inspirational words. Danny Zuker. Virgo. Jon Stewart, It doesn’t make it a gotcha question just because it got ya. Jackie Mason, Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Wendy Mass. The highs and the lows. Daily Dose of Wisdom. Middle Age Wisdom Head Body Aging Humor Old Age Humor . Yet. If you liked reading these funny words of wisdom, share this post of your social media and leave us a quote below! Mark Twain, I like nonsense. Mike Vanatta, Crying is for plain women. It’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion. Then, I started meeting girls and I’m like ‘You know, maybe I shouldn’t be a Priest.’ Jimmy Fallon, Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. These funny wisdom quotes are specially selected from experts to ease your tension. Read inspiring, positive and wisdom quotes which uplift your spirit and motivate you to follow your dreams, and helps you to live a peaceful life. Along with a set of principles, they are based on a mathematical theory in order to support a set of concepts.... Human Infrastructure over Digital Infrastructure — Data Driven InvestorToday’s technologies influence not only who we are or how we get socialized but also our understanding of reality or metaphysics. Bill Murray, The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything Click to tweet: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself. Henry Kissinger, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Stephen Colbert Click to tweet, The more you know, the sadder you get. That’s encouraging, considering an eight-ounce jar of hazelnuts costs about nine dollars. Don’t keep telling people what you’re doing. Aug 23-Sept 22 Ellen DeGeneres, The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book. Some brothers will be in the club and white people are like, “What are those niggers doing in here?” They watchin’ y’all dance. It is nonsensical, illogical, emotional, ridiculous, and practically foolproof. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. Ellen DeGeneres, It’s funny how the universe guides you to where you’re meant to be. Oct 13, 2015 - Explore Annie's Homegrown's board "Daily Wisdom", followed by 17199 people on Pinterest. Jimmy Fallon, I don’t even read the papers. George Carlin Click to tweet, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? We’re in this life, and if you’re not available, the sort of ordinary time goes past and you didn’t live it. I’m sorry. ", "The longer the explanation, the bigger the lie.". Zach Galifianakis, When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria – not necessarily by choice – but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren’t there. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out’. Incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990 and he hasn’t reoffended. George Carlin, Don’t just teach your children to read. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. It is easy to use just the screen to see all the spiritual wisdom. ", "Yesterday is but today's memory, and tomorrow is today's dream. Although he said this quote in a joking manner, he makes a very valuable point. If anyone can give funny words of wisdom, it’s Lucille Ball! Albert Einstein, In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. ", "The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook. Stephen Colbert, Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes. Steven Wright Click to tweet, The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Chelsea Handler. Jim Carrey, My soul is not contained within the limits of my body. 100,000+ funds to personalize your phone. You found it offensive? You gotta keep it away from your eyes… Obviously, it’s a challenge to make light of the darkness but, um, it’s better than crying about it. Wisdom is the distilled knowledge that is created through experience and insight. Taurus. Jim Carrey, Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them. your own Pins on Pinterest Yes, his phrase will make you chuckle, but he dropped a serious piece of advice here. I don’t take orders. Louis C.K. Jon Stewart, Love what you do. You need to accept yourself. Accept who you are. Stephen Colbert, Happiness can be really facile – To be with my wife and children, would be the deepest joy. That’s floating to the top of my list. Stephen Colbert, Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires. Albert Einstein, The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. I’m not being racist; it’s true. Jim Carrey, It is better to risk starving to death then surrender. Will Ferrell, Whenever someone calls me ugly I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired. Yeah, I’ve got an idea for a car that runs on bald eagle heads and Faberge eggs. Covering all the latest headlines and full reports I was an altar boy, and I was good at it. Woody Allen, Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Jack Benny, I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror. Teach them to question what they read, teach them to question everything. Sentinel 0810 (4) 4. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Jon Stewart, If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us? Rodney Dangerfield Click to tweet, Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something. I am crazy. Dave Chappelle, The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone’s advice. Jim Carrey, Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass. Jim Gaffigan, It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish. I’m looking down, and I’m like T-shirt and stretchy pants? See more ideas about wisdom, inspirational quotes, words. Enjoy some inspirational 'life quote' motivation, both serious and funny. Kevin: Bit__, it’s right there on the corner. Facts, if one is rational, should change beliefs. Mitch Hedberg Click to tweet, The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. One motto on the show is, ’Keep your facts, I’m going with the truth.’ Stephen Colbert, When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday – no matter what happened Tuesday. Bill Murray, There are only three things women need in life: food, water and compliments. Also no. Robin Williams, Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Rodney Dangerfield, My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Saved by Gavin Crombie. Dave Chappelle, You know you must be doing something right if old people like you. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself. Bullshit. So each is inevitably disappointed. Eddie Murphy, Procrastinate now, don’t put it off. Share Tweet. I think he’s going straight, which shows you prison does work. Sep 26, 2020 - Explore A. Oscar Wilde, Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious; both are disappointed. Molly McGee, Men are like a deck of cards. Here are our favorite funny motivational quotes about life, work and becoming successful. 1. Aparna Nancherla, You’re welcome to come here, except my beds from Ikea so it’s more unstable than i am. P. J. O’Rourke, Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we would never need solace. Logout. Life is like riding a bicycle. Milton Berle, When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble. Words Of Wisdom Quotes “1. Woody Allen, Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. About Us. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. It was born 15 minutes ago it looks like a potato. Robin Williams, Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose. Will Rogers, I came from a real tough neighborhood. This quote is all about finding the strength to hold on even when things look like they’re falling apart. Motivation and Inspiration: Daily Affirmations; Motivation Mondays; Travel: Jaunt The World ; Weekly Photo Challenge; Women’s Lives Matter; On Wisdom & Humor: Short Stories to Make You Think & Smile… 24/10/2011. We have everything to live for. Wisdom is the distilled knowledge that is created through experience and insight. Second place is first loser. There is no perpetual engine in the world. People think once they’ve come to the end of their rope, that’s it. The quotes are updated daily. Stephen Colbert, I always recommend people get in trouble. Ryan Reynolds, People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. Steven Wright, I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright, I live on a one-way street that’s also a dead end. Die with dignity. Sep 8, 2019 - This Pin was discovered by My Life Changing Quotes. Woody Allen, Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. Click to tweet, Just because you’re offended, doesn’t mean you’re right. Ricky Gervais, You should bring something into the world that wasn’t in the world before. Stephen Colbert, Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. This is a funny way of saying watch the company you keep. Top 38 Inspirational Life Sayings – Inspirational Words of Wisdom Quotes Of All Time. Jim Carrey, I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer. Lawrence Ferlinghetti, A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. Funny Inspirational Quotes The shortest recorded period of time lies between the minute you put some money away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival of rain. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with. Kevin: Baby I’m gonna be right back I’m going to the store. Don Herold, America is a land where men govern, but women rule. Search. Tina Fey, Say yes. Ricky Gervais, Enjoy life. Lane Olinghouse, Everyone should have kids. 1. May 21-June 20. I ain’t going to sleep with nobody. Kevin Hart, All I can do is try to create my own brand and have people appreciate me for that. ", "Self-development is a higher duty than self-sacrifice. Jerry Seinfeld, You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. Here is our list of funny words of wisdom. Bill Murray, Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans. Will Ferrell Click to tweet, If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. Topics. Requires little space in your memory. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson. Join 9,590 other subscribers Email Address . Each post takes less than 2 minutes to read, but the daily ritual of attending to these writings can be enormously fruitful. Ricky Gervais, You won’t burn in hell. You get married, you’re no longer an individual. Also it lights up your big dumb face. Daily Life; Inspiring People; Book Club; An Edgy, Funny, ‘Great’ Novel. Jim Carrey, I don’t want to be a vampire. She was so excited when I got home and told her. Ellen DeGeneres, I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. The rest cheat in Europe. What’s the point in having humor? I was born to be awesome, not perfect. I’m not arguing. Ryan Reynolds, If you find me, please let me know where the hell I’ve been. “Fuck it.” That’s really the attitude that’s keeps a family together. George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Video. 's board "Daily Wisdom", followed by 234 people on Pinterest. Miracles start to happen when you give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears. ", "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. Chris Rock, They say love is more important than money…Have you tried paying your bills with a hug? Can’t we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive? We’re feeding each other like baby birds. Meditations for Peace of Mind. Jimmy Fallon, If you’re a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. Click to tweet. See more ideas about quotes, stupid people, stupid people quotes. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying and hopefully these quotes will put you in good spirits. Tools; Hacker News; Authors:: Daily Wisdom. Programming paradigms have become indispensable lenses for software engineers in today’s big data age. Explore 1000 Daily Quotes by authors including Zig Ziglar, Pablo Picasso, and John C. Maxwell at BrainyQuote. Some people are like clouds. Brendan Francis, The true man wants two things: danger and play. Ludwig Wittgenstein, Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain. Given the nature of design problems, design issues have mostly been described as being ‘wicked’ or ‘ill-structured’. Zack. Ryan Reynolds, We’re not kissing. I read ‘USA Today’ because it has color photos. Ricky Gervais, Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. A bird in hand is safer than one overhead. DaySpring Flip Calendar - Billy Graham Wisdom for Each Day As you spend time alone with God, these daily devotionals by Billy Graham will help strengthen you and give you the wisdom needed to live boldly for Christ and grow stronger in your faith. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” —Oscar Wilde “The harder you fall, the higher you bounce.” —Anonymous “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” —Ingrid Bergman “When one is at home, he dreams of adventure. Ricky Gervais, Mondays are fine. Perhaps the Marmot ad, which was actually cute? Seasonal Meditations. Jim Carrey, The one thing you shouldn’t do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. 40 Quotes About Growing Old And Staying Young At Heart . “Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Spender (19) 2. ", "Do not hire a man who does your work for money, but him who does it for love of it. Robin Williams, The only weapon we have is comedy. Finally, I would pick it up and say, ‘Who the hell is this?’ ‘Oh, hi! iPhone/iPad app. Please cancel my subscriptions to your issues. Edward de Bono, The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. Ryan Reynolds, Airplane toilets are aggressive. Elders in the African system (for the most part) are respected not just for their grey hairs … Will Ferrell, Facebook: What’s on your mind? George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Jimmy Fallon Click to tweet, I don’t like to kick people when they’re down. Ellen DeGeneres, Embrace who you are. I need to tortilla chip that can support the weight of guacamole. After reading funny words of wisdom, you should feel a sense of relief. Social media channels keep our digital selves keep streaming together. Groucho Marx, When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. See more ideas about wisdom, words, wise words. If you have any funny words of wisdom, fell free to share them in the comments. GET DAILY INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES IN EMAIL. Did you enjoy reading these funny words of wisdom? September 28, 2014 No Comments . Steven Wright Click to tweet, Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. Apr 20-May 20. Sep 21, 2020 - Explore Ludmila Baker's board "Wisdom / Humor", followed by 191 people on Pinterest. Rodney Dangerfield, Marriage…it’s not a word, it’s a sentence. Read them again, and you will perceive their depth. Ellen DeGeneres, I think we need more love in the world. However, there are lots of eternal brakes. You can’t do nothing by yourself when you get married. If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. Such an oversimplification would result in the misidentification of the solution. tags: Happiness, Humor, inspiration, life, postaday2011, postaweek2011, reflections, stories, wisdom. It terrifies everyone. Casey Stengel, A child educated only at school is an uneducated child. By all means, you should follow that. I don’t remember it, but it’s good. God doesn’t ask you to figure it all out, he only... November 10, 2015. Here are 10 funny life quotes that don’t need an explanation because they can be interpreted in many ways, and I think a lot of them explain themselves. Winston S. Churchill, When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Visit the quotations page for more quotes. It's a win-win! I look like I got on a damn tinted construction mask. It’s the funniest joke in the world. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too. Phyllis Diller, Never miss a good chance to shut up. Ricky Gervais, That’s the other thing I learned that day, that the truth, however shocking or uncomfortable, in the end leads to liberation and dignity. 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We’ve all seen it before, in real life and movies; the nerds get picked on while the jocks get all the glory. How about your least favorite ad? You can do whatever you put your mind to, no matter how big the obstacle. So what’s it like to be me? Gene Perret, It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. Will Durant, People learn something every day, and a lot of times it’s that what they learned the day before was wrong. Cathy Guisewite, Accept who you are. Laughter brings the swelling down on our national psyche, and then applies an antibiotic cream. Zach Galifianakis, I like to read the Bible in public places so people are watching me read it. You have no idea what potential lies inside of someone and who they’ll become. Eddie Murphy, Mick Jagger’s lips’ so big, black people be going, “You got some big-ass lips!”. Never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Click to tweet, I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. It is a business asset. Lean in real close and whisper, it’s much scarier. James, a young boy of 6, turned to his Grandfather and says, 'When you die, Grampy, I don't want your money. The richer the better! Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. Be Within Stay Above. Home. Laurell K. Hamilton, I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever. Stephen Colbert, If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I’d be broke.